Dear Daughter: I Want to Tell You About Being a Big Sister

IWD - Daisy Chain Flower Crown

Happy International Women’s Day! I’m joining some inspiring women (

Lauren Barber

,

Claire Venus

and others) in creating a virtual daisy chain here on Substack with our writing.

I wrote this letter to my daughter a few months ago but wasn’t quite ready to share it. Now feels like the right time.

Another side note: when I wrote this letter, my younger sister had just found out that she was pregnant. I’m so thankful to walk this journey of motherhood alongside the amazing women that I get to call family. What better way to honor IWD than to celebrate sisterhood?!? And of course a special shout out to my mama, who brought us all together.

Dear Daughter,

While your sister is still growing inside me, and we’re less than 2 months from meeting her, I think that now’s a good time to share a few things with you.

First of all, I know that you didn’t choose this. And I am already mourning the ways that this will change our relationship. You’ll have to share my attention with a new little spirit, and I know that won’t be easy. For either of us. I won’t be able to spend hours on the floor with you, letting you climb all over me and awaiting your little hugs. I won’t be able to pick you up each time you reach for me, because my arms might already be full.

I’m sorry that you have to learn this lesson so soon - the lesson of sharing; the reality that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Feeling like the center of the universe is a privilege of being little and I’m sorry that I’m taking it from you so soon. Becoming a big sis means having to grow up just a bit faster.

I was hoping to have a bit more time with just you, but here’s the first thing you need to know about younger siblings: they’re going to do things their own way. 

You will experience everything first - whether you want to or not. You’ll be the first to go to school, the first to play a sport, the first to ride a bike. And doing things before your siblings will hurl you into the roll of teacher. You’ll teach them stuff that you’ve already learned - the ABC’s, shooting hoops, addition and subtraction. Sometimes you’ll enjoy being the teacher, and sometimes you won’t. And often, your younger siblings won’t want to listen. They’ll want to make their own discoveries and mistakes.

And baby, that’s ok.

We all have to walk our own path. And even though you and your sister will grow up together, she might make different choices than you.

Being the firstborn, you were forced to be the trailblazer. But she was forced into being your shadow. So she’s going to take the opportunity to blaze her own trail when she can.

And baby, you’ll have to let her.

I know this will scare you, because being a big sis makes you feel responsible and protective. But I promise, she will be ok. Even though she’ll push you away, she’s always watching. And she’ll learn more from you than you think.

You can’t shield her from everything, and your relationship will have its fair share of bumps and bruises. You’ll see things differently, and you’ll argue. You’ll need to take some space from each other so that you both can grow into who you were meant to be. But you’ll always find your way back to each other, because no one will understand you quite like her.

Being a big sister can feel like a burden. It can feel heavy, to ‘set the example,’ knowing that your parents will come down harder on you because you’re the guinea pig (sorry about that).

But one day when you’re older, you’ll realize that being a big sis is the biggest blessing. You’ll be happy that you walked through the fire ahead of her. Because even though she might not follow you at first, eventually she will need your help and advice, and you will be there to give it to her. 

A sister’s bond is unlike any other. And as your mama, it’s the greatest gift I could give you.

So hang on tight, baby. Initiation to the big sister’s club is one of the toughest, greatest honors of my life and I can’t wait for you to be a part of it.

Love,

Your mama (the biggest sis)

I’m passing on the chain to

Jen Glantz

and

Ryan Rose Weaver, M.Ed.

!