The Only Thing That’s Getting Easier
They say it gets easier But I don’t think that’s true My love for you Grows Deeper, stronger Every day Like the frail seedling Once whipped by the wind Perseveres to become the mighty oak weathering All the storms They say it gets easier With time But there’s still so much to do The only thing getting easier Is loving you
. . .
When I was first adjusting to life with a newborn (which still feels like yesterday), I can remember the veteran mamas meeting my bloodshot, tear-stained eyes with a knowing gaze:
“It gets easier,” they said.
I held onto that phrase like a lifeline. “It’s going to get easier” I told myself as we sat through multiple urgent care visits. “It won’t be this hard forever” I whispered, rocking her back to sleep during one out our many restless nights.
I kept waiting for the day when it would finally feel easier … and over a year later, that day still hasn’t come. Most days feel hard and long and I’m reminded of just how much I don’t know; that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
“It” hasn’t gotten easier. I traded newborn diapers for full-blown NASTY poops. I traded contact naps for peek-a-boo and hugs. I stopped worrying about her rolling off of surfaces and instead worry about her getting into the cabinets.
My google search bar sees questions like “what to do when a toddler throws food” and “when to take the paci away.”
In other words, the job of parenting has not gotten easier – it has just morphed into a different version of hard.
But there is ONE thing that has gotten easier: loving her.
Last year, I wrote a piece about why “love at first sight” is a myth - especially when it comes to giving birth. (pssst … it was recently published on Motherly!)
My birth trauma robbed me of the ability to bond with my baby right away. I never felt that “indescribable love” that so many new moms talk about. Instead, I was just slogging through the motions, feeding and changing and caring for her because I knew it’s what I had to do.
And this lasted a while … the whole first year of her life, to be honest. Between the constant transitions, regressions, returning to work and endless daycare illnesses, loving my daughter challenged and humbled me in many ways. The work felt draining and endless.
It’s been 13 months since her birth, and I can finally say that I’m getting a taste of that indescribable love. It’s still SO much work, more than I ever could have imagined. Constantly wiping a runny nose and sticky hands, cleaning up a massacre after meals, piles of dirty laundry and constant stress over how to dress her. We re always needing things - more cups, baby utensils, new clothes. There’s always some new milestone or obstacle on the horizon - walking, weaning off of bottles, her first dentist appointment. Mothering sucks the life right out of me some days.
But I can confidently say that loving her is getting easier. As her personality emerges and she becomes more animated and communicative every day, I can feel our bond strengthening. Rather than constantly craving time to myself, I start to miss her when we’re apart. Her neediness and occasional nap refusal don’t rock my world quite so much. We’re getting the hang of this thing, learning and growing together.
So my theory is that mothering doesn’t get easier, but LOVING your kids gets easier. As they show you who they are and your relationship builds, the burden of parenting doesn’t feel quite so heavy. The moments of joy and tenderness make everything seem a bit lighter.