The Highs And Lows of Summer

A summer recap

I can’t believe my first summer as a mom of 2 is ending. This summer was a lot of things - a real mixed bag of sweet and sour. I knew it would be tough with 2 kids under 2, so I kept my expectations low. But I impressed myself with all that I was able to accomplish this summer. And I’m proud. 

This summer tested me in large ways and small. Thankfully, motherhood has expanded my capacity to handle life’s curve balls. It has grown my patience, my compassion, and my love. Even my sense of self feels bigger somehow. Not necessarily better, just different. More inclusive, more accepting, more fluid, more flexible, more able to ride the waves instead of getting pummeled by them. It’s like I’m seeing life from a different vantage point. 

On that note-

Birds are the universe’s messengers to me. Before I got pregnant with Margo, I saw a blue bird – the bird of fertility – perched on the tree hollow in our yard. Earlier this summer, my husband spotted a falcon — A FALCON — in that same hollow. It stayed for a good while, and we had to lower our blinds so that Louie (our dog) wouldn’t lose his marbles. Naturally, I googled the meaning of falcons, and apparently they symbolize gaining a “higher” perspective. They fly at high altitudes and can spot their prey from a distance, associating them with characteristics like foresight and clarity.  

And oh boy, did I gain some perspective, foresight and clarity this summer.

Thomas was traveling which left me alone with the kids a lot. So that just added a fun layer to everything that happened. 

In July, I spent 6 hours stuck at the Pensacola airport with both of my kids. At one point I rode up and down the escalator with Margo at least 25 times just to pass the time. And also to stop myself from going apeshit on the gate agents that were supposed to be helping us but were decidedly not.

And then, shortly after that debacle, we arrived home and our A/C broke. One of the worst nights of my life was being up with both kids screaming at me in the heat. 

Then Margo had a major sleep regression and started waking up multiple times a night in a panic.

A few weeks later, Camille got sick and started vomiting nonstop which required a trip to urgent care. 

I also started back at work which has been bittersweet.

One of the toughest things, though, has been the friendships that have fizzled out. Some people that I considered close friends haven’t reached out since before my second daughter was born in April. What hurts more than being excluded from gatherings is feeling forgotten and like no one cares. 

So, this summer has been a lot of things. Here’s my attempt at trying to capture it all in words to preserve the memory. I wanted to spend more time on this but time isn’t something I have a lot of lately, so here’s my latest version of “done is better than perfect:”

It was a summer of visiting old places
like our childhood vacation spot
but with a few new additions

It was a summer of drippy ice cream cones
And sticky popsicles
of snacking outside wrapped in towels

It was a summer of life jackets & swimming & pool time & paddle boarding 
& learning how to jump in 
and make a splash

It was a summer of stepping out of my comfort zone
Solo-parenting 2 kids 
And putting a bathing suit on my postpartum body

It was a summer of chalk drawings and trail walks
Of rocks in pockets and watching beetles crawl by

It was a summer of strength building
Carrying two babies up and down the stairs at the same time

It was a summer of smiles and giggles and holding hands
And also nervous breakdowns and tantrums and stomping feet

it was a summer of salty kisses
and salty tears of joy & sorrow

It was a summer of small adventures
And stealing away on brunch dates
savoring every rare moment alone

It was a summer of mosquito bites
and sunscreen & itch cream 
all the creams for all the things

It was a summer of setbacks
and leaps & bounds forward

It was a summer of growing our family
And losing some friends

It was a summer of strolling & small pleasures
like watching boats pass by & spotting dolphins in the bay

It was a summer of scooping sand into buckets
and sandy toes leaving dunes all over the house

It was a summer of puddle hopping 
And snapping pictures of butterflies

It was a summer of artwork and painting and stickers and songs 
and movies in the afternoon

It was a summer of messes - 
shoes & crumbs & blankets & bottles 
littering every available surface

It was a summer of swinging & slides 
& snuggling up with books
with little limbs draped all over

It was a summer of being needed
of stretching my ability to give
more than I ever have before

It was a summer of letting go
& learning to dance in the unknown
and oh how we danced

It was a summer that passed
Sometimes slow 
and much too fast
one that I will remember
and long for
When my babies aren’t babies 
anymore

—

It’s hard to imagine what next summer will be like, but I know it will be worlds apart from this one. Here’s my record; my proof that it all happened- the beautiful & the fun & the hard & the ugly. I’m sad to say goodbye to summer, but I know that more precious memories await in the seasons to come.