Thankful for a Moment

A slightly different take on gratitude

I had to document this moment, in the midst of toddler meltdowns and pregnancy pain. An afternoon at the beach, iced coffee in hand while my husband threw the ball to our dog and I watched my daughter play in the sand. It may have lasted only 40 minutes or so— until my daughter decided she wanted to bolt into the ice cold water— but it was the most glorious 40 minutes I’ve had in a while.

This last trimester of my 2nd pregnancy has been tough. My body feels tired, weak and heavy. I’ve had bizarre episodes of tachycardia that take me to the brink of passing out. I’ve gained more weight this time around and I still have 7 weeks to go (it would be 8, but I’m having a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks).

In other words, I feel pretty far away from myself. I miss running, I miss feeling strong in my body and maneuvering around with ease. I miss feeling comfortable and confident in my skin. I miss wearing normal clothes.

My list of complaints goes on, but my point is that I haven’t been “counting my blessings” lately. Gratitude is far from the top of the list of emotions that I experience daily.

And you know what I hate more than anything? This trite comment offered in response to negative emotions or hard times: “just be grateful.”

And it’s not because those words are invalidating and dismissive (although they are).

It’s because that phrase (and the people saying it) offer no strategies or tools to help get you there.

“Just be grateful” is like telling someone to “just think positive” — we often don’t have control over the emotions we feel or the thoughts we have in a given moment.

Like, how do you expect me to feel grateful when I’m wrestling to change my toddler’s poopy diaper while she kicks my pregnant belly, and then refuses to eat the food that I made? 

Those feelings of gratitude are just inaccessible sometimes.

Of course, I can make a list of things that I’m grateful for, but often that leads me to feeling more guilty rather than grateful. Because I have all of these wonderful things– a healthy family, a great support system, a roof over my head, a full refrigerator– so why can’t I just BE grateful?!?

We do have a choice in how we respond to our initial emotions and thoughts, which could change them for the better— something I might explore in a future post.

But for now I want to kick back against “just be grateful” and instead offer you some slightly different advice:

Do something that makes you feel grateful.

⁃ go for a walk

⁃ sit outside

⁃ take a drive

⁃ do a yoga class

⁃ grab a fancy coffee

⁃ call a friend

⁃ read a book

⁃ schedule a massage

⁃ bake some cookies

⁃ pick up an ice cream

⁃ play a game

⁃ do a craft

⁃ watch a great movie

The key here is to take action rather than willing your emotions to change. And then, realize that the feeling of gratitude will fade, like all emotions do. And that’s ok - it’s part of the normal ebb and flow.

I’m back into my workweek now, dealing with the normal humdrum of responsibilities and obligations. But I’m hanging onto those feelings of gratitude that I created over weekend and looking forward to making more soon.